July 24, 2014
WINDOW ROCK—Joe Shirley Jr. posed for a line of western style vests to raise funds for his stagnant campaign Thursday near Page, AZ according to his campaign. 
After a half a year of selling steaks and watermelons, Joe Shirley, who calls himself “doctor,” appears to be falling behind in public opinion as his campaign reaches its critical last month. 
"We are in salvage mode," Shirley’s chief strategist and life coach Patrick Sandoval said. "We’ve been struggling to put out a platform, the doctor just has so much to think about." 
With little money and even less time, the Western Warehouse out of Page, AZ offered Shirley a spot in their upcoming fall catalog wearing his famous black leather vest adorned with eagle feather icons on each side. 
Western Warehouse plans to sell the “Dr. Joe, leather you know?” vest jacket in their Page and Gallup outlets until Spring. 
A spokesman for the store said, “Joe Shirley Jr. is a icon of the Western landscape, we should do our best to capture him in true regalia. 

WINDOW ROCK—Joe Shirley Jr. posed for a line of western style vests to raise funds for his stagnant campaign Thursday near Page, AZ according to his campaign. 

After a half a year of selling steaks and watermelons, Joe Shirley, who calls himself “doctor,” appears to be falling behind in public opinion as his campaign reaches its critical last month. 

"We are in salvage mode," Shirley’s chief strategist and life coach Patrick Sandoval said. "We’ve been struggling to put out a platform, the doctor just has so much to think about." 

With little money and even less time, the Western Warehouse out of Page, AZ offered Shirley a spot in their upcoming fall catalog wearing his famous black leather vest adorned with eagle feather icons on each side. 

Western Warehouse plans to sell the “Dr. Joe, leather you know?” vest jacket in their Page and Gallup outlets until Spring. 

A spokesman for the store said, “Joe Shirley Jr. is a icon of the Western landscape, we should do our best to capture him in true regalia. 

July 23, 2014

July 11, 2014
In exclusive interview Navajo Nation prez candidate discusses past, lost arm

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SHIPROCK—In an exclusive interview with Tlo’chi’iin News, Navajo Nation presidential front runner Duane “the Chiliman” Yazzie discusses his mysterious past, including how he lost his right arm. 

TG: Thanks for joining us. We know you are running as the government reform candidate. But you yourself spent many years in government including as a Council Delegate for Shiprock in the 80s and 90s. How do you credibly talk about government reform when you have been involved in the tribal government for so long? 

DCY: That’s a predictable question. I scoff at how predictable of a question that is. Nevertheless, I will answer it to placate your inferior journalistic skills. First, I was a ‘49er, which means I was the ‘OG’ ‘(original gangster) govt. reformer.’ I was there when you was just square, you dig? 

TG: I take it you mean that you were on the Navajo Nation Council in 1989 when the Council removed MacDonald from office, removed his attorney general when he wasn’t acting fast enough to investigate MacDonald, and even changed the structure of the Navajo Nation government. All of these actions are lauded today. But in fact the Title 2 reforms were done by a simple majority of council delegates and didn’t go back to the people for approval. MacDonald was popularly elected yet the Council felt empowered  to remove him. 

But you famously denounced former Speaker Naize for moving forward on a legislation to create the Navajo Transitional Energy Corporation without going back “to the people.” How do you square the inconsistencies with how you yourself acted as a delegate with how your critique the current Council? 

DCY: In 1989 it was very hard to remove MacDonald from office without resorting to a power grab. We felt we were justified with the circumstances at the time. The Council today is different. Today we have Title 2. 

TG: in 2009 the Navajo Nation Council did exactly what it did 20 years before and placed Joe Shirley Jr. on administrative leave when it was discovered that he and his staff had circumvented Navajo Nation law in order to guarantee favorable treatment for On Sat and BCDS companies.

You yourself received $30k in “consulting fees” to help a weapons manufacturer set up shop in your community while you were chapter president. Some might see this as a clear conflict of interest. 

In this instance Chief Justice Herb Yazzie reversed the Council’s action that placed Shirley on administrative leave because it violated “the right of people to chose their leaders.” Yet you and Yazzie removed MacDonald under similar circumstances in 1989, do you agree with the Supreme Court’s ruling?  

DCY: I do. 

TG: Why? 

DCY: Because the Navajo Nation Council is out of control and needs to be reformed. We need to go back to traditional ways and traditional roles of leaders. 

TG: Is this not just a useful way of avoiding difficult questions? 

DCY: Yes. 

TG: Continuing on, tell us something about your personal history. How did you get involved in politics? 

DCY: I was a sea captain back in the 70s. I hunted sharks—actually one shark in particular. A shark I called, “Moby Dick.” You see, when I was on the U.S.S Indianapolis…

TG: You were on the Indianapolis? 

DCY: Come to think of it I wasn’t, but if I were, I would’ve seen us torpedoed by a Japanese sub in the South Pacific. I would’ve heard the cries of my crewman in the water as sharks slowly picked us off, one-by-one, in a manner in which I was unable to help. 

TG: To be clear, you weren’t on the Indianapolis? 

DCY: This right. But if I was, I would’ve then survived the incident and dedicated my life to capturing and killing the Shark Moby Dick who eluded me for so many years, only to do battle with him in an epic battle that would’ve left me with a destroyed ship, in financial ruin, and missing my right arm. This is what could’ve happened and this is the story I’m using to explain my missing arm. 

TG: Are you saying the Shark named Moby Dick ate your arm? 

DCY: Yes, here’s a picture that was taken by a photographer who happened to be on board at the time. 

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TG: This looks like a movie still from ‘Jaws.’

DCY: It does doesn’t it?

TG: Thanks for taking the time. 

DCY: Thank you….Oh and from there that’s how I got involved in politics. I was done with shark hunting. 

June 27, 2014
Shelly/Jim criticized for auctioning date with VP for Assayii Lake Fire victims

Photo: Rex Lee Jim as he is featured in advertisement for auction

WINDOW ROCK—The Shelly/Jim administration has come under heavy criticism today after it announced that it would auction off a “date” with Vice President Rex Lee Jim in order to help raise money for the victims of the Assayii Lake Fire. 

The event, titled, “Date, steak and shake with Rex Lee Jim” was scheduled this evening at the Historic El Rancho Hotel in downtown Gallup. The money raised at the event would go toward the victims of the Assayii Lake Fire according to Shelly’s campaign advisor Deswood Tome. 

"It’s all for a good cause, we think that for a bit of money the VP could assuage a lonely evening and benefit a fire stricken community," he said. 

The event would auction off a date with the Vice President. The winner of the auction would enjoy a steak dinner (at their expense) with the Vice President at Badlands Grill before taking Mr. Jim dancing at the Shalimar Lounge this Fourth of July. 

"There will be fireworks!" Tome said with laughter. 

The Shelly administration had hoped to raise several hundreds of thousands of dollars from the auction, but critics feel that the high estimate is over optimistic.

"Jim is not worth more than $100 to $300 for a date and probably even less so if you consider how much food you have to buy for him," Lynda Lovejoy, one of Jim’s fiercest critics said in a phone interview. 

"Once I thought he was hitting on me then I realized that he’s GAY!" she said contemptuously. 

Lovejoy bitterly insinuated that Jim was gay after she lost to Shelly in the 2010 election, claiming that she shouldn’t be discriminated as a women lest Jim also be discriminated against for being gay. 

"It’s just an unrealistic expectation from the Shelly/Jim administration" she said, "it’s further proof that they are simply lying to the voters to convince them to reelect a defunct administration." 

Others have called the entire practice of auction off a date night with Rex Lee Jim demeaning to the Office of the President/Vice President and a threat to tribal sovereignty.

"How many times will they waive sovereign immunity and auction off our leaders," said retired Navajo Nation judge Manuel Watchman. "How long are they going to keep doing that!" 

But Shelly fired back and is defending the auction. 

"Look, it’s not like we aren’t ‘bought off’ already. We receive huge campaign contributions from natural resource interests. How do you think we pay for all these snazzy t-shirts?" he said. "But that’s all under the table. This on the other hand is public, what ‘the people’ wanted. We are just more transparent about it and it goes to a good cause—the fire victims, let’s not forget the fire victims." 

He continued, “perhaps Rex Lee can inspire a little fire in someone’s heart while putting out some fires on peoples’ houses.” 

June 11, 2014

May 27, 2014
Moroni Benally, presidential candidate, responds to Magua

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          WINDOW ROCK—Navajo Nation presidential candidate Moroni Benally, who filed his paperwork today (5/27/14), responded to Magua of the Huron in a blood-filled photograph released to the press today. The photograph features Benally slaughtering a sheep, saying, “this is how I will slaughter my opponents arguments.”

          “I will cut their arguments open, slowly remove their internal organs, and roast them over a hot fire before sinking my teeth into them and tearing them apart,” Benally said. 

          Benally’s statements comes in a wave of aggressive posturing from the candidates for the Navajo Nation president. Aside from Magua of the Huron’s campaign ad, Joe Shirley Jr. released a 30 second YouTube video of him giving a campaign pitch while doing several pushups. 

         Council Delegate Russell Begaye ran over an old car that had “Window Rock Red Tape” spray painted on it with a monster wheel truck in his hometown of Shiprock. 

       Edison Waneuka likened himself to the Incredible Hulk, docile and dormant as head of the Navajo Nation Elections Administration but big, green and testosterone pumping when on the campaign trail. 

           ”I will fire roast their campaign platform’s entrails and chomp them them down, bit-by-bit,” Benally concluded. 

May 22, 2014
BREAKING: MAGUA OF THE HURON ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY, RELEASES GROTESQUE AD 
WINDOW ROCK—The Navajo Nation presidential campaign went negative Thursday when Magua of the Huron announced his candidacy for Navajo Nation president and released a campaign ad that insinuated he would physically remove President Shelly’s heart if elected. 
"The ad was totally inappropriate," Shelly’s campaign manager Deswood Tome said. "Aside from questions of his residency and whether or not he qualifies as ‘Navajo’, he has soured the positive mood of the campaign so far with such an open and  violent gesture." 
Tome went on to say this is why the Office of President and Vice President actually spends several thousands of dollars on presidential security every year, “you never know when Magau will leap out at you with a dull knife and stab your boss while trying to viciously extract a vital organ.” 
The Magua Campaign communications director Jarvis Williams, former chief of staff for Johnny Naize, said questioning Magua’s residency is entirely inappropriate until the Navajo Nation courts have a chance to review the matter. 
"He hasn’t had his day in court, until the Navajo Nation courts say he is ineligible to run we shouldn’t throw around useless speculation about his legitimacy." 
Magua has claimed that under Navajo Nation fundamental law he is a member of the Navajo tribe because he is married to a Navajo woman and therefore an “in law” according to Navajo tradition. 
Navajo Nation Window Rock District Court Judge Carol Perry scheduled a peacemaking session between Magua and Ben Shelly, but Tome said Shelly is afraid to attend because of the potential Magau will become violent. 
"He is holding the president’s heart in his campaign ad, of course we don’t want to sit down with him. We don’t want to be in the same room as him," Tome said. 
But Williams said that the Shelly campaign is just avoiding the issues and won’t meet with a candidate who should be treated as a candidate until the Navajo Nation court says that he is not a candidate. 
On the overt violence in the ad, Williams said, “that’s politics, sometimes you have to go for the jugular.” When informed that anatomically the jugular is different from the heart, Williams quickly said, “it was metaphorical dude.” 

BREAKING: MAGUA OF THE HURON ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY, RELEASES GROTESQUE AD 

WINDOW ROCK—The Navajo Nation presidential campaign went negative Thursday when Magua of the Huron announced his candidacy for Navajo Nation president and released a campaign ad that insinuated he would physically remove President Shelly’s heart if elected. 

"The ad was totally inappropriate," Shelly’s campaign manager Deswood Tome said. "Aside from questions of his residency and whether or not he qualifies as ‘Navajo’, he has soured the positive mood of the campaign so far with such an open and  violent gesture." 

Tome went on to say this is why the Office of President and Vice President actually spends several thousands of dollars on presidential security every year, “you never know when Magau will leap out at you with a dull knife and stab your boss while trying to viciously extract a vital organ.” 

The Magua Campaign communications director Jarvis Williams, former chief of staff for Johnny Naize, said questioning Magua’s residency is entirely inappropriate until the Navajo Nation courts have a chance to review the matter. 

"He hasn’t had his day in court, until the Navajo Nation courts say he is ineligible to run we shouldn’t throw around useless speculation about his legitimacy." 

Magua has claimed that under Navajo Nation fundamental law he is a member of the Navajo tribe because he is married to a Navajo woman and therefore an “in law” according to Navajo tradition. 

Navajo Nation Window Rock District Court Judge Carol Perry scheduled a peacemaking session between Magua and Ben Shelly, but Tome said Shelly is afraid to attend because of the potential Magau will become violent. 

"He is holding the president’s heart in his campaign ad, of course we don’t want to sit down with him. We don’t want to be in the same room as him," Tome said. 

But Williams said that the Shelly campaign is just avoiding the issues and won’t meet with a candidate who should be treated as a candidate until the Navajo Nation court says that he is not a candidate. 

On the overt violence in the ad, Williams said, “that’s politics, sometimes you have to go for the jugular.” When informed that anatomically the jugular is different from the heart, Williams quickly said, “it was metaphorical dude.” 

May 19, 2014
BREAKING NEWS—Leonard Tsosie’s effort to rescind a decade’s old ban on uranium mining in the Navajo Nation, known as the Diné Natural Resource Protection Act (DNRPA), led to the release of Godzilla on Gallup Sunday. 
Panicked citizens ran down the street yelling, “Godzilla! Godzilla! Run!” 
Tsosie could not be reached for comment. But he was seen trying to purchase gas in town with a giant uranium ore in hand. 

BREAKING NEWS—Leonard Tsosie’s effort to rescind a decade’s old ban on uranium mining in the Navajo Nation, known as the Diné Natural Resource Protection Act (DNRPA), led to the release of Godzilla on Gallup Sunday. 

Panicked citizens ran down the street yelling, “Godzilla! Godzilla! Run!” 

Tsosie could not be reached for comment. But he was seen trying to purchase gas in town with a giant uranium ore in hand. 

May 16, 2014
Donald Benally releases ‘Back to the Future’ inspired campaign ad

Image: Donald Benally’s ‘Back to the Future’ inspired advertisment 

SHIPROCK—Navajo Nation presidential candidate and former council delegate Donald Benally released a “Back to the Future,” themed campaign poster Friday based on the popular 1985 movie. 

"I was in my prime when ‘Back to the Future’ came out. It was the mid-80s, we all had our cassette players and oversized glasses," Benally said. "I want to remind people that I’ve been in politics for over 30 years. It’s to say, ‘remember the 80s? Let’s go ‘Back to the Future’!" 

Benally, who was a Council Delegate from Shiprock at the time, is featured with Al Henderson, former Executive Director for the Division of Economic Development under Peter MacDonald. 

Benally was a well known ally of Peter MacDonald’s in the 1980s and was an opponent to the council delegates who ultimately removed him. 

Al Henderson could not be reached for comment, but he is featured behind Benally in reference to the ‘Doc Brown’ character in the film, a charismatic somewhat crazy scientist who ultimately gets the protagonist, Marty McFly, into a lot of unnecessary trouble when they try to meddle with their personal past. 

Also in the poster is a screen shot of the dashboard of the car-timemachine used in the film that shows the years 1985 and 2012. Benally said that these are in reference to when he should be in a position of tribal leadership. 

"The movie foretold this," Benally said. "I didn’t think much of it when it came out, but now I see that it was telling me to run for office in the 80s and the 2010s." 

Benally said that he is confident he will be elected Navajo Nation president this year, and that Back to the Future II and III will be studied assiduously in order to identify secret prophecies in store for Benally’s projected 2nd and 3rd terms.  

May 11, 2014
President Shelly reads wrong name during mother’s day address

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WINDOW ROCK—President Shelly has grown use to reading official speeches from his tablet, but the practice went terribly wrong Sunday when President Shelly gave his regular Mother’s Day address and accidentally blurted the name of Keven Durant’s mother Wanda Pratt—apparently forgetting to close the ESPN tab on his Internet browser. 

"It was an honest mistake," Shelly’s communication director Rick Abasta said. "The president is a busy man and has a lot of tabs open on his tablet." 

Shelly allegedly made the same mistake last year when he read off his iPad “you turn me on,” to Governor Jan Brewer. According to Abasta, he just had the wrong browser open on his tablet. 

"He isn’t as versatile with the digital technology as he is with analog and things that use simpler mechanics, like the cotton gin or engines that use carburetors." 

Shelly quickly recovered and said, jokingly, “Oops, well at least I didn’t read ‘she turns me on again,’that would have been a Freudian slip.” 

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